Behind the Scenes

Little did I know, outside my perfect little bubble, my world was falling apart.

To be honest, I can't remember my biological father being a huge part of my life. I can't even remember when or even if my parents told me they were getting divorced. My mind refuses to recall many portions of my past... this is one of them. One day I was living with my mom happily... next thing I know, I'm travelling from my house with my mom and her boyfriend and my biological father and his girlfriend's, my mom's 'best' friend, house. I don't even remember finding that weird. Honestly... like I said, I don't remember much about that whole experience.

This will undoubtedly come up again, but sometimes I wonder what people on the outside looking in were thinking. Did they pity our family? Did they even realize what was going on, or were they as oblivious as I feel like I was.

It was around this time, I started getting scared. I had fears that my mother would leave me. If she got out of the car to, let's say pay for gas, and left me there, I'd watch the clock. If one minute passed, I'd start worrying. I've been known to get out of the car and start looking for her. I distinctly remember one day when I was sitting in the living room after going grocery shopping with my mom, and realized that she was nowhere to be found. At all. I freaked out... running around the house, petrified as to where she was. She came in the door 2 minutes later. She reminded me the groceries were in the car, and she had just gone to the garage to grab the last couple of bags. She didn't go anywhere at all. I don't think I've felt fear worse than that to this day.

Much later in life I learned that my biological father had once left me in his car, asleep, while he got drunk in a bar.