I am of strong belief that respect is earned, not simply handed out. I particularly disagree with the notion that elders should automatically receive respect due solely to their age. In my opinion, that's ridiculous. Some of the 'elders' I know are the most ignorant, pompous, insolent, ornery, and downright unrespectable people I know.
One man, who will remain unnamed, is an elder within my fiance's family. All the younger brothers/ cousins look up to him. He knows this, and takes pride in it. When his three daughters got married, he boasted the fact that he dropped a couple hundred grand on their wedding. In turn, he places immense pressure of what the sons of his brothers/ cousins (one of these sons being my fiance) do.
Now of these three daughters, the first broke off her arranged marriage, and married for love. She has two children and has an extremely successful life. The next daughter is married, also with two children, living in a one bedroom rental apartment. The third daughter lives in her in-laws basement. Why not cough up that money and help your children settle into their marriage, forget the wedding. But somehow the wedding is the most important aspect. Showing off to the family. Is this respectable?
In turn, mine and my fiance's smaller, more intimate, and conservative wedding has sparked some comments on the "cheapness" of our families. Meanwhile, my fiance and I are on our way to purchase our 2nd home, and moving up in quite a nice manner given our young age. Yet, his cousin and my fiance's father continue to feel that perhaps we are lacking behind the family, and continuously takes the negative comments regarding our refusal to spend copious amounts of money on the wedding. His father will not say anything back regarding the fact that his future daughter in law and his son at the ages of 20 and 22 bought their first condo, and now at 23 and 25 will be purchasing a home, in a sought after community on the beach in Central America.
Why? because he is an elder!
I do not respect him, as he never respected me. I will make no notion to show respect. I really don't care.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Some Explanations
Why I feel the need to explain myself, I don’t know... but the urge has come. I realize this is two postings in a day versus my norm of 2 a month... but I feel compelled. After perusing through a blog of my friends and the subsequent blogs she followed, I realized that mine is morbid in comparison. I’m using this blog as a form of therapy, if you will. Many many wonderful things happen to me on a daily basis and I’m actually quite a fortunate girl... but these you will hear from me in person over and over again. I don’t want to bore and depress people with my dark thoughts on a daily basis. Everyone has them... some continually express them (can think of a few right off the top of my head), some bottle them up (something I normally do) and some achieve a healthy balance- which is what I strive for.
Believe it or not, (although if you read this blog you’d probably believe it), I tried out therapy for a bit last summer. It was alright, I guess, but very similar to this blog, it was simply me talking about my past and daily somewhat 'woe is me' thoughts. This seems like a must cheaper alternative.
So those of you (if any) that think this may be a dark and depressing concept of a blog, I apologize, but it’s my way of ensuring my anger does not get out of hand (which, by the way, was the trigger for me seeking therapy) and allows me a bit of release from everyday life without depressing those around me :).
Believe it or not, (although if you read this blog you’d probably believe it), I tried out therapy for a bit last summer. It was alright, I guess, but very similar to this blog, it was simply me talking about my past and daily somewhat 'woe is me' thoughts. This seems like a must cheaper alternative.
So those of you (if any) that think this may be a dark and depressing concept of a blog, I apologize, but it’s my way of ensuring my anger does not get out of hand (which, by the way, was the trigger for me seeking therapy) and allows me a bit of release from everyday life without depressing those around me :).
Being alone.
I had an interesting revelation today. I hate to be alone. Now this I have known my entire live. I have an intense fear of being alone. But my revelation went beyond that. I’m uncomfortable by myself. I’m restless. I don’t know what to do. Being at home, and my fiancé is at work for the past 6 months has been an eye opener. The first 4 months not so much, as I had class 4 days a week, and he tends to work from home on Fridays, so I had some form of human interaction. These past 2 months however have been brutal. I kept thinking to myself, I have full days to kill... I do have 6 distance education (read: 0 interaction) courses, so I figured I can spend my morning doing some school work, and then get some wedding planning, cleaning, gym-ing, cooking... out of the way. School goes by fine, it provides me with focus for the first 3 to 4 hours of my day. And then I crash. I just cannot do it alone. If my fiancé was home, even sitting on the couch watching TV, I’d be above and beyond active- cleaning, making invitations, doing essays, cooking. It’s the company I crave. I don’t have the drive to do it alone.
Today, during a break from my school work, I sat by the window and looked onto the construction. I took note that all the construction workers are paired up at the very least, if not put into groups. I felt a pang of jealousy. What I loved most about my previous job was the interactions with [some] people, whether it be through our cubicle, in the lunchroom, or just on the instant messaging on the computers. It actually made me more productive. My desire, passion, efficiency, and productivity went down the tube (knowingly) when a new manager came in and pulled back on the reins on our normally sociable group. Suddenly 5 minute chats between cubes were frowned upon, and even a quick hello was done in the sneakiest manner. It became miserable. My colleagues and I became experts at the act of looking busy, as we tried to talk and catch up on one another’s lives. Not once, when we were a cohesive sociable group, did we fall behind on work, have a bad audit, and receive complaints. When our only source of release for the day was taken away, our work ethic went with it. Luckily I left before this became apparent. Anyways, I digress.
I’ve realized in life, I need to... must... be doing something where I have interaction with people. This doesn’t mean customer services. Not strangers... a culture where interaction, partnership, and cohesiveness are important. This is strange as I consider myself very shy and can feel lonely in the biggest of group... but I fear being alone. I can’t do it alone.
Recently, my fiancé and I had a conversation about police officers. He said they must always drive with a partner. Isn’t that wonderful? I thought it was. Even when in silence and while concentrating on the hardest of work, just the sheer thought that you have someone next to you is comforting. In my opinion.
This probably makes me a very lonely person.
Today, during a break from my school work, I sat by the window and looked onto the construction. I took note that all the construction workers are paired up at the very least, if not put into groups. I felt a pang of jealousy. What I loved most about my previous job was the interactions with [some] people, whether it be through our cubicle, in the lunchroom, or just on the instant messaging on the computers. It actually made me more productive. My desire, passion, efficiency, and productivity went down the tube (knowingly) when a new manager came in and pulled back on the reins on our normally sociable group. Suddenly 5 minute chats between cubes were frowned upon, and even a quick hello was done in the sneakiest manner. It became miserable. My colleagues and I became experts at the act of looking busy, as we tried to talk and catch up on one another’s lives. Not once, when we were a cohesive sociable group, did we fall behind on work, have a bad audit, and receive complaints. When our only source of release for the day was taken away, our work ethic went with it. Luckily I left before this became apparent. Anyways, I digress.
I’ve realized in life, I need to... must... be doing something where I have interaction with people. This doesn’t mean customer services. Not strangers... a culture where interaction, partnership, and cohesiveness are important. This is strange as I consider myself very shy and can feel lonely in the biggest of group... but I fear being alone. I can’t do it alone.
Recently, my fiancé and I had a conversation about police officers. He said they must always drive with a partner. Isn’t that wonderful? I thought it was. Even when in silence and while concentrating on the hardest of work, just the sheer thought that you have someone next to you is comforting. In my opinion.
This probably makes me a very lonely person.
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