Respect your Elders

I am of strong belief that respect is earned, not simply handed out. I particularly disagree with the notion that elders should automatically receive respect due solely to their age. In my opinion, that's ridiculous. Some of the 'elders' I know are the most ignorant, pompous, insolent, ornery, and downright unrespectable people I know.

One man, who will remain unnamed, is an elder within my fiance's family. All the younger brothers/ cousins look up to him. He knows this, and takes pride in it. When his three daughters got married, he boasted the fact that he dropped a couple hundred grand on their wedding. In turn, he places immense pressure of what the sons of his brothers/ cousins (one of these sons being my fiance) do.

Now of these three daughters, the first broke off her arranged marriage, and married for love. She has two children and has an extremely successful life. The next daughter is married, also with two children, living in a one bedroom rental apartment. The third daughter lives in her in-laws basement. Why not cough up that money and help your children settle into their marriage, forget the wedding. But somehow the wedding is the most important aspect. Showing off to the family. Is this respectable?

In turn, mine and my fiance's smaller, more intimate, and conservative wedding has sparked some comments on the "cheapness" of our families. Meanwhile, my fiance and I are on our way to purchase our 2nd home, and moving up in quite a nice manner given our young age. Yet, his cousin and my fiance's father continue to feel that perhaps we are lacking behind the family, and continuously takes the negative comments regarding our refusal to spend copious amounts of money on the wedding. His father will not say anything back regarding the fact that his future daughter in law and his son at the ages of 20 and 22 bought their first condo, and now at 23 and 25 will be purchasing a home, in a sought after community on the beach in Central America.

Why? because he is an elder!

I do not respect him, as he never respected me. I will make no notion to show respect. I really don't care.