Do you think you could successfully and completely detach yourself from your family?
My family (immediate and extended) is wonderful, they love me a lot, and I feel the same about them. But at the same time, memories of them, conversations with them, and most things associated with them is also a source of misery for me. I don't fit in with my family. They are all very a la brady bunch now, with the suburban lifestyles, 2 children, a house, and PTA meetings. Very different from how I grew up. Somehow I lost my place in the mix.
When I am with my family, I can understand how people get divorces. I love them immensely and think about them all the time. But I just no longer want to be around them. I want to start fresh. Build my own life and my own family (eventually) with M.
It hurts me when I hear about all my cousins getting together, hanging out, talking about prom or dates or parties etc. But I know longer live in NJ/NY. The relationship was lost the day I moved. I made the effort with one cousin, and through him I get to hear about the rest. But that just adds more to my feeling out of place. Like a spy, peaking in and absorbing as much as I can.
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